when tik tok makes you cry

I usually love tik tok. It’s my happy place when my sadness hits me the hardest. It makes me laugh pretty easily.

I also have a lot of romance on my feed. This has been hard for me since my break up months ago, but I’m usually still entertained and happy seeing all the couples. I love to cheer happy relationships on, even if I envy them. I am a hopeless romantic, so I just love seeing the mushy stuff.

But then this tik tok came on, and it really made me burst into tears. I was already feeling depressed, so it kind of exacerbated it. I’m writing this now because I need to get my thoughts out.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMJDbFaSm/

If you’re going through a tough time in your relationship or if you’re getting through a breakup, you’re not alone. Do your best not to isolate yourself. Take care of yourself. Cry if you need to and connect with the people you feel most comfortable with.

My September Bullet Journal Spreads

I started bullet journaling for the first time in August. It’s something that I had thought about for several months before doing it, because I felt intimidated. All the people on YouTube and instagram make bullet journaling look so beautiful and creative and artsy…which is funny since bullet journaling was creative to simplify the mind and organize tasks in a much easier layout. 😂

I really wanted to try it though. I had bought planners that I stopped using, they just didn’t give me exactly what I wanted in a planner. I wasn’t feeling motivated to use it and it bothered me if I left spaces blank.

By creating my own Bullet Journal, I gained some motivation by simply having to make my own spreads and layouts. I got to organize my pages any way I felt like it. There are no rules, and I can take up space in the notebook any way I like.

So, I thought I’d show you what I got. My favorite spreads are my mood tracker & gratitude list. I’m not an artist, but I like some color. I think practicality is more important for me than aesthetics, but everyone has different priorities. 💙

Do you bullet journal? What is yours like – minimalist or intricate? Do you feel like you find ways to be creative with it, how so?

I’m not sure why I’m unhappy

I’m feeling really down lately. Yes, I am going through a difficult breakup that happened almost 7 months ago, and we are all going through this pandemic, but for some reason, I still feel like I should be happy??

Now that I’m writing this out, I’m realizing how ridiculous this sounds. I “should” be happy?????

WHAT am I saying?

I should not feel this or that. I can feel whatever I need to feel. I just really miss being happy. I wonder how I can feel that again.

I have a job, a great family, access to entertainment, access to ways to educate myself, access to health care. I have a pretty good life. I’m just not sure why I feel empty, down, alone, lonely.

I’m trying to figure this out. Maybe you are, too. As I think, I’ll be playing video games until I’m ready to sleep.

Tell me your thoughts in the comments. 💭

Feeling & Being Seen

I doubt that anyone feels seen 100% of the time. Maybe there are people who do feel that way, I wonder what that feels like. Amazing? Vulnerable? Terrifying?

There are times that I wish I could just be seen and others…where I could just disappear.

Whenever I write on twitter, I want so deeply to be seen and heard and given attention to. However, just a few minutes later, I can forget that I even had that thought, let alone written it! I wish I could not feel weird deleting it, especially when a person or two might have actually replied to it.

Then, there’s another part of me who wants to crawl into a hole, never to be seen again. Dark, empty, no one there. Maybe I’m not even there?

Sometimes I wonder that when I feel that “hole feeling,” I am wanting something I already have? When I want to crawl into a hole, I want to disconnect, but I’m probably already disconnected from myself and others when I am developing this want.

What does it feel like to be seen for you? What is it like when you’re not seen & want to be seen? What is it like to desire not being seen?

We can feel so many different feelings at once.

Hello!

Hi, beautiful people.

I’m E. I’ll go by that for now. I’m not really anonymous, but keeping things lowkey for now. I guess????

I have made so many blogs in the past – ever since I was a kid, honestly. I’ve been using WordPress, tumblr, or going wayyyyy back FreeWebs. I always have an urge to write, and it’s not like I’m a creative person who writes really great poems or stories (though, these happen sometimes). I just have an urge to get my thoughts out.

I hope my words can be something someone relates to in some way. I want people to know that there is always someone out there who is just like you. You’re not alone in your feelings, in your confusion.

I want a place where I can just be myself and create a safe space for others to be themselves, too.

I will maybe talk about mental health, fitness, nutrition, and faith. Maybe share some stories from being a therapist or being in therapy, without breaking HIPAA. I hope I can be someone you connect with through whatever I babble about.

Thanks for reading & have a great day!